A guide to communicating click by click

Fucking Internet.

How did you do it?

You make people think, kind of, about so much....like what other people are doing all the time...like how many e-mails the inbox is digesting...like a fucking "like" button.

You are a fucking Proper Noun....HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?

That's domain shared by people, cities and important shit.

You are important shit.

You connect people, via your World Wide Web.  Fucking spider you are, biting people while they sleep, crawling down their throats.

You are a spider because you are confusing.

Check it:  Watch someone encounter a spider...it's like encountering some foul milk or a rancid fart.  First, the freak out happens.,,"Ahhhhhh...Spider!"   Then, disgust..."Ohhh my garrrshhhhhh......That's sooo fucked...it was like...28 inches away from me...narrrrsttyyy!!!"  Then fascination..."It's fucking huge...are those fangs...don't kill it yet...It's building a web."

Then you are sucked in...Fucking internet...you sucked us in.

Now we play by your rules ...

Wait...do you have rules?  You unruly fucking bastard!

You should have rules...you are important....people NEED you!

The rules of communication have changed based on you.  A handshake has become a friend request.  A signature is now saved in the "settings."  A birthday present is now an emoticon, an e-card,a click of a mouse.


Things like handshakes and birthday presents used to require so much more thought...Now..it's click, click, click.

On the flip side, there is thought behind "The Click,"  in some cases.

Sometimes, it's a struggle to drop the index finger onto that button for whatever reason....There can be consequences in a click.  Fucking Internet.

Confusion?

I'd say so.

It's learning a new language....It's understanding a new way to communicate...It's figuring out how to apply some sort of moral/ethical/logical rationale to the decisions being made by  whatever online persona one has created for himself or herself.

In the same way a man can think with his little man, neglecting a bigger picture, the Internet has made people think with fingers, masking reason in a LCD and an IP address.

Therefore, I'm proposing a simple guideline to online communication:

 1) FaceBook Specific--Don't be a like button slut.  Don't "like" something just to like it.  Actually fucking like it.  If some emotional response happens while staring at something on your screen, feel free to indulge.  Otherwise...don't.

2) Send grammaticality proper E-mails, instant messages and texts.  Look at it like this:  Being a good communicator requires practice, much like basketball or math or tennis or rock climbing.  An Olympic athlete is not practicing half-assed.  Communication is like a decathlon these days, so many mediums.   Practice good digital communication--insightful, proper, REAL.  Chances are when you actually have to talk to someone, you'll be better at it.

3) If you find your self watching "Two Girls, One cup" alone and sober, chances are your moral compass is fucked up beyond recognition.  Just because there is a certain detachment from online content, physically, the mental pathways are alive and well.  Porn is fucking sweet.  Moderation and class are more sweet.  If some people put half the hours they spend whacking it to Betty Big Tits or flicking the bean to Jafar's Monster Manpart into their real relationship, chances are the real thing would be just as satisfying.

4) Emotions get trapped in the web.  There are real emotional experiences to be had via digital/Internet communication.  Remember it is reality, treat the people and conversations you have online as though they were being had with a person standing right in front of you.

5) Every day online is not Halloween.  Your computer is not a mask or costume.  When you sit down, remember who you are and don't play dress up or masquerade ball.

6) Use the tool, don't be a tool.  The Internet is a powerful tool that literally links the globe.  If you had the chance to stand on a podium and speak to the people of the world, would you get up there and act like a fucktard ass clown?  Use the Internet diplomatically to reach out to and understand others.  Find the meaningful information and share it, comment on it, dissect it, interpret it, debate it, add to it.

7) Mind your manners.  Online, we're all kindergarten children.  Remember being put into that classroom with strangers for the first time, learning to interact, be civil, have fun, make friends?  There were some issues at first, but eventually everyone was on the same page. People are fucking committing suicide because of what people are saying to them online...it's a fucking playground with no monitors, where the bullies can run wild.  Help people out, if possible.  Play nice.

8) Emoticons are fucking lame as shit.  So are e-cards, e-gifts, etc.  Get their fucking address, and send them something tangible.

9) Stay in touch.  If you have a long lost friend, child, parent, roommate or mentor, attempt to get in or stay in communication with them. The phrase "we lost touch" is meaningless in this prolific era of the Internet.  That just signals laziness.  A simple message can hold much meaning.

10) Self-indulgence has its limits.  There are so many amazing people in the world with amazing stories, ideas, experiences, advice, etc.  We should all use the Internet to share what we do, adding value to the public forum.  We should all just check our attitudes and cockiness at the portal's entrance.  Open minds rule this terrain.  To participate effectively, assimilate.

I know these ideas have been discussed before. I hear these ranting, critical conversations about the Internet happening around me all the time.  This is a simple, unfinished digest.  Please...add to the list and share your thoughts, rants, suggestions...maybe a definitive guide to online communication will be the end game.  Thanks. Peace.