Unsolicited Advertising Part 1

So, I hear the advertising game is hard to break into.  Lot's of creative types out there, nibbling the nipple of the American Dream one ad campaign at a time.  Clever slogans.  Stunning Photos.  Ass loads of $.


On the flip side, there are interesting things happenning in advertsing, too.  Have you seen the new Domino's Pizza ad campaign...Check it out.





Domino's  is officially soliciting its customers to send pics of them eating Domino's Pizza to potentially be used in an ad.  A prize of $500 for four finalists. POTENTIALLYusing the picture in an ad, if they think it's good enough. HOLY SHIT!!! Domino's just saved lot's of money...they are shelling out $2,000 for a potential ad campaign.  You know there will be some good photographers submitting their shots, becaue people who think they are good will think this is their chance to make it big.


This isn't the only wild shift happening in advertising.  Products like Heineken Beer and Belvedere Vodka have started using a different look in their print ad campaigns.  Granted ,they still spent lots of money to secure top photographers, like Terry Richardson, who shot Belvedere's "Luxury Reborn" campaign, but the final look is that of a photo taken by a point-and-shoot camera, something any dip shit could take.  These are high class products being marketed to folks with money, but the look is down to earth, accessible, real.


Side Note: Terry Richardson is the Shit!


Example:

Example:  

The shift comes along in a time where social networking is all the rage, the bees knees!  People are interacting with products in ways never before imagined. Every company, product, corporation has a Twitter, a Blog, a Facebook.  People can literally interact with products from the genesis of the product.  And because everything is digital, just like the amateur looking photos, it's all simple to use.  And people are using it.  User generated content is saving the bottom lines of companies across the world.  A one time payment of a few hundred bucks guarantees a company a stead influx of potential advertising fodder from the consumers. There is no residual, no contract, no future...Just bang and done.  Crafty corporations, I give you propers. 


So, here's my spin.  UNSOLICITED ADVERTISING. Trademarked, copyrighted and all that fun stuff!  I use products...I like products...Sometimes I even have my camera around when I'm using some name brand this or that.  So I started taking pictures of the products being used, in a time and place by real people who are enjoying the shit out of using them.  That's what advertising wants, right?  To show other potential consumers that the people who are already consuming the product are loving the shit out of consuming it.



What follows is a few of my UNSOLICITED ADVERTISING campaigns. Simple looking.  Simple feeling, similar to this new wave of big money bullshit.   


I'm trying to sleep with Miss American Dream, too.  I'm trying to get her to come and play.  While the big fish are lapping at her aureoles, I'm sliding one hand up her shirt and the other around back to feel that nice, plump, shelf-like American Ass.   


Cheers!




Miller Lite:

Swenson's Drive-In Restaurant:

The Gap:

MaxaFaRi

You know you are in good company when the conversation gets a little carried away.

In Banos, Ecuador, the music echoed off mountains.

Still, no matter how insane or unattainable the plans-in-the-making can get, something about the tone of the conversation suggests those plans aren't impossible.

        Jorge, left, and Oscar, center, welcomed us to their home for the time being on the shores of Cozumel, Mexico.  Oscar and Dave, right, converse.

So my friend Max and I want to go to Jamaica.  This notion struck us after some drinks and a good Bob Marley listening session...a listening and talking session...some beer involved...Max's fascination with reggae music played a part in the talk...his longing to visit the many historic and culturally significant sites on the island...like Marley's stomping and recording grounds, Negril, Ganja fields...etc....I shared my ADD obsession with the Caribbean.  There's the food, music, range of magnificent skin-colors, social norms and attitudes, traditions, beauty nuanced by poverty and the allure of a booming drug trade.  And Jamaica is, arguably, the mother of the Caribbean.  Damn.  It was one of those talks.

There is no better welcome than that of sharing songs.

Especially in a place that looks like this.

   Jorge scopes the magical waters of the Gulf of Mexico

    from his temporary home, the seaside cabana in Cozumel.

The point of this blog is not Jamaica...those words are somewhere in the future, still brewing in the clouds...




...The point of this is Max appreciates Marley and reggae music to his core, his soul.  He could befriend any Knotty Dreaded local simply by his historical knowledge of the movements, the styles, the history, the inaccuracies and revisionist histories, the pride and the soul of the music.  I've heard this kid break down the lyrics.  I've heard him break down the mathematical composition, reminding me the where the kick drum and snare hits fall in the groove, qualifying the drums as being officially a "reggae" beat.  I watch this kid play guitar in a reggae band, standing next to his dad on stage because his dad is beating the shit out of bongos, a djembe and a vibraslap right next to him.  There's a strong case for genealogical gravity right there.




Max is not alone in his passion.  During my various travels, I've met musicians, artists and those folks more interested with the ebb and flow of life, rather than the bull and bear of it all.  Bob Marley is a common thread among those, and other, people from a variety of countries and cultures.  From Ulcini, Montenegro to Mompiche, Ecuador, Bob's words escape lips and speakers.  It fills rooms, alleys and cafes.  It blends in with the sunsets.




This sharing of words, images and video aims to illustrate the power of music, on both an intercontinental and interpersonal level.

Raf, a.k.a. "Mexican Lil' Wayne" lets out smirk in Cozumel.

Captain Joshua Cunningham sets the sail aboard his catamaran as it cuts through the dolphin-rich waters of the Calibogue Sound off Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.

Happy Brain Waves!

Josh Cunningham, known by the Hilton Head locals as "Josh the Pirate," chills out and tells stories to his guests.

    After singing "Redemption Song" A Capella, Josh smiles

     as the sun buries itself into the horizon. 

A guide to communicating click by click

Fucking Internet.

How did you do it?

You make people think, kind of, about so much....like what other people are doing all the time...like how many e-mails the inbox is digesting...like a fucking "like" button.

You are a fucking Proper Noun....HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?

That's domain shared by people, cities and important shit.

You are important shit.

You connect people, via your World Wide Web.  Fucking spider you are, biting people while they sleep, crawling down their throats.

You are a spider because you are confusing.

Check it:  Watch someone encounter a spider...it's like encountering some foul milk or a rancid fart.  First, the freak out happens.,,"Ahhhhhh...Spider!"   Then, disgust..."Ohhh my garrrshhhhhh......That's sooo fucked...it was like...28 inches away from me...narrrrsttyyy!!!"  Then fascination..."It's fucking huge...are those fangs...don't kill it yet...It's building a web."

Then you are sucked in...Fucking internet...you sucked us in.

Now we play by your rules ...

Wait...do you have rules?  You unruly fucking bastard!

You should have rules...you are important....people NEED you!

The rules of communication have changed based on you.  A handshake has become a friend request.  A signature is now saved in the "settings."  A birthday present is now an emoticon, an e-card,a click of a mouse.


Things like handshakes and birthday presents used to require so much more thought...Now..it's click, click, click.

On the flip side, there is thought behind "The Click,"  in some cases.

Sometimes, it's a struggle to drop the index finger onto that button for whatever reason....There can be consequences in a click.  Fucking Internet.

Confusion?

I'd say so.

It's learning a new language....It's understanding a new way to communicate...It's figuring out how to apply some sort of moral/ethical/logical rationale to the decisions being made by  whatever online persona one has created for himself or herself.

In the same way a man can think with his little man, neglecting a bigger picture, the Internet has made people think with fingers, masking reason in a LCD and an IP address.

Therefore, I'm proposing a simple guideline to online communication:

 1) FaceBook Specific--Don't be a like button slut.  Don't "like" something just to like it.  Actually fucking like it.  If some emotional response happens while staring at something on your screen, feel free to indulge.  Otherwise...don't.

2) Send grammaticality proper E-mails, instant messages and texts.  Look at it like this:  Being a good communicator requires practice, much like basketball or math or tennis or rock climbing.  An Olympic athlete is not practicing half-assed.  Communication is like a decathlon these days, so many mediums.   Practice good digital communication--insightful, proper, REAL.  Chances are when you actually have to talk to someone, you'll be better at it.

3) If you find your self watching "Two Girls, One cup" alone and sober, chances are your moral compass is fucked up beyond recognition.  Just because there is a certain detachment from online content, physically, the mental pathways are alive and well.  Porn is fucking sweet.  Moderation and class are more sweet.  If some people put half the hours they spend whacking it to Betty Big Tits or flicking the bean to Jafar's Monster Manpart into their real relationship, chances are the real thing would be just as satisfying.

4) Emotions get trapped in the web.  There are real emotional experiences to be had via digital/Internet communication.  Remember it is reality, treat the people and conversations you have online as though they were being had with a person standing right in front of you.

5) Every day online is not Halloween.  Your computer is not a mask or costume.  When you sit down, remember who you are and don't play dress up or masquerade ball.

6) Use the tool, don't be a tool.  The Internet is a powerful tool that literally links the globe.  If you had the chance to stand on a podium and speak to the people of the world, would you get up there and act like a fucktard ass clown?  Use the Internet diplomatically to reach out to and understand others.  Find the meaningful information and share it, comment on it, dissect it, interpret it, debate it, add to it.

7) Mind your manners.  Online, we're all kindergarten children.  Remember being put into that classroom with strangers for the first time, learning to interact, be civil, have fun, make friends?  There were some issues at first, but eventually everyone was on the same page. People are fucking committing suicide because of what people are saying to them online...it's a fucking playground with no monitors, where the bullies can run wild.  Help people out, if possible.  Play nice.

8) Emoticons are fucking lame as shit.  So are e-cards, e-gifts, etc.  Get their fucking address, and send them something tangible.

9) Stay in touch.  If you have a long lost friend, child, parent, roommate or mentor, attempt to get in or stay in communication with them. The phrase "we lost touch" is meaningless in this prolific era of the Internet.  That just signals laziness.  A simple message can hold much meaning.

10) Self-indulgence has its limits.  There are so many amazing people in the world with amazing stories, ideas, experiences, advice, etc.  We should all use the Internet to share what we do, adding value to the public forum.  We should all just check our attitudes and cockiness at the portal's entrance.  Open minds rule this terrain.  To participate effectively, assimilate.

I know these ideas have been discussed before. I hear these ranting, critical conversations about the Internet happening around me all the time.  This is a simple, unfinished digest.  Please...add to the list and share your thoughts, rants, suggestions...maybe a definitive guide to online communication will be the end game.  Thanks. Peace.

Lawn Art

 Gnarly grass, unable to be mowed regularly because of mower difficulties.

I love mowing the grass.  It's like meditation for me.  Putting on headphones, smelling the chlorophyll, singing lyrics at the top of my lungs in an attempt to drown out the mower engine.  Getting crazy looks from cars passing by as I dance behind the lawn mower.  It's all beautiful.  Oh yeah, and imagining up designs to cut into the grass--probably the most fulfilling part.

So far this year, mowing has been a hard-pressed chore.  The lawnmower was broken, so I was having to borrow mowers from family members, hauling them around in my trunk whenever they needed them back.

 The repaired mower, and the first cuts of the design.

Kudos to my roommate, Erik, for finding someone who welds to graft the handle of our mower back to the body.  Now, I am fully operational with an arsenal of designs in mind waiting to be cut.

 About half way done...

Here's the first installment...A Sun-scape if you will...Enjoy!

An ode to the summer...grass mirroring its source of life.

View from the rooftop.

Between Shifts...

  Crab Cakes served with a roasted red pepper romulade, 

arugula and grilled lemon.  Photo by: DD

I think this grind is gonna get me, my friends.
Another day, another dollar, but when will it end?

The kitchen's heat is sucking at me again, prying
Open my pores, letting that kitchen smell in.

My bank account will make a few more friends--
Washingtons, Hamiltons, Jacksons and Benjamins.

I'm in between shifts, wishing this time won't end.
Because in 25 minutes, I'll resume work again.

 Spinach Fettuccine with cured tomatoes, artichokes, asparagus, 

banana peppers and a garlic infused olive oil. Photo by: DD

I'm dressed in all black. It's the beginning of summer.
I could use some pastel, some days with much more color.

I try to get outside whenever I can.  But stomachs
Keep growling.  Guests keep on coming.

Inside the restaurant, the lights are so dim.  Temporary blindness
Takes over while eyes are adjusting.

Sometimes I take a nap and hear plates banging.
Twenty more minutes, I resume work again.

I can feel my mind swinging back into work mode.
And it sure feels good to know I'm not alone.

 Asparagus Bread Sticks with a white cheddar and jalapeno sauce. Photo by: DD

I just heard my shower stop.  That's two more bodies cleaned.
Now my roommate's dressed in all black too, ready to pursue American dreams.

His girl is working too, but she gets to wear a real pretty dress.
We work at three different restaurants, yet feel the same damn stress. 

I find it kind of funny.  It's makes me kind of sad.
When the check is $150, and the food goes in the trash.

But I'll be $30 richer, from some patron's waste.
The circular transaction ensures I'll have food on my plate.

Here's when I surrender to reality.  Splash my face with cold water.
Tuck my shirt in properly, and think about how people respond positively to my
Personality.

I'm thankful for the opportunity, to work and live freely.

But this has been a few moments between shifts.

Grilled Flank Steak with garlic mashed potatoes, arugula

and a sweet Worcestershire sauce.  Photo by: DD

All photographs were taken at the Bistro on Main, and all food was prepared by the chefs at the Bistro on Main, my place of employment, which has been so so so good to me for the past seven years.

Brain Storm

The storm begins small and distant...

I'm sitting in the kitchen of my girlfriend Kayla's apartment in Columbus, Ohio.  I'm thinking.  About what?  Many things...

Like how good a beer sounds right now, except Kayla stole my wallet this morning when she went to work b/c we went shopping last night and my sweatpants didn't have pockets, so I put the wallet into her purse and forgot to take it out, so I guess it's my fault, but she stole it anyway.

Also, how networking has changed so much in recent years.  It's worth noting how many networking opportunities arise every day for fresh college grads and job seekers from other demographics.  Which is why I'm going to write an entire blog article about networking in the now. So look forward for that.

Food.  Kayla just texted me, and apparently our amazing friend Katie O, who has an equally amazing blog called West 1st Ave., is cooking sweet potato enchiladas for dinner for all of us...YAY!

It becomes closer and more intense, generating more energy.

Photographs.  Photos inspire, therefore I'm going to be uploading crazy numbers of photos to this blog and including the stories behind the photos.  I also started a Youtube account today to share the many hours of video I've accumulated from around the world with any person who would like to tune in...Look forward for that, too!

Also, I have this notebook in my car.  It's an idea book.  It gets a lot of use at red lights, stop signs, during rush hour traffic jams, in parking lots, etc.  For some reason my brain works great while I'm driving. Perhaps it's the stimulation from my surroundings combined with the mental awareness of driving that causes me to get distracted by my own thoughts to the point that I must write them down while behind the wheel...Either way, I've come up with some cool stuff..some comics, some quotes and phrases and ideas.  I would like to share all of those right here. So look forward for that, too.

Kayla left a barely drank bottle of pinot grigio in the fridge...hmmmm.

Sex..Sex is amazing, but for some fucking reason people keep trying to make it more amazing with unnatural things.  Don't get me wrong, bringing vibrators and oils and cuffs and whips into the bedroom session is totally awesome, but these pills for penis growth and stamina and female Viagra and whatever other nonsense exists to increase sexual pleasure is absurd.  So, I will research what kind of natural sexual enhancers, think aphrodisiacs to the next level, exist in the world.  Then, maybe, people will stop wasting their time and money on awful products and just have better sex the natural way...as nature intended sex to be...natural.

Vacation...Kayla and I are going to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina at the beginning of July.  This will be the first official trip we will make as a couple.  We've been dating for almost a year and a half.  So it's about time!  I'm about to buy a new bike for the trip, because she just bought  a bike yesterday, and yesterday we went on our first official bike ride together...26 miles.  So, this is like the summer of firsts, and I'm going to be blogging about it all...so look forward to that, too.

I have so many pictures from my Diana F+ camera that need developed and shared...those will be coming, too.

Job hunting, job hunting, job hunting....Soon, I'm going to find a job...and I'm going to KILL that mother fucker.

What happened to poets and philosophers??...I know they still exist, but their importance in the grand scheme of the world has diminished significantly.  This is a problem.  In an age when people are sacrificing major thinking skills to smart phones and other life-simplifying devices, people who think and observe with the utmost attention to detail would seem to be rare and valuable specimens.  Not the case, the perception is more like societal outcasts and weirdo hippie-freaks.  This is sad and sucky.  Revival of the poet/philosopher movement needs to happen.

I need a smarter phone...fuck.

Then it gets wild, out of control, unpredictable and fun!

I'm thinking I could be successful in the arena of advertising...but I don't like doing things the normal way.  Therefore, I've developed a plan of action called Unsolicited Advertising (Copyright protected as of now) that  is the company name.  I'm just going to develop ads and slogans for clients, using my own time and resources,  and post those ads on this blog under the titles Unsolicited Ad No. 1...2...3...etc. until these catch the eye of someone in the advertising world and they begin to pay me for my amazing ideas.

I have all these pictures of lightning I took one night that I want to sprinkle into this blog entitled Brain Storm...There is already on on the blog. But pictures of lightning are cool, so I'm going to include more.

I've just thought about a lot of shit...

I need more pinot grigio...

Peace!

Disgrace Book

It's official: Facebook blows! Especially for uploading pictures.  

Constantly failing, freezing, forgetting = LAME! 

I was trying to share some photos from the trip I took to Belize, Honduras and Mexico with my vast, accumulated  network of "friends" (there are some very real friends in that network), but the damn site was just being a bitch.  So, I decided to post some of the pics here.  Honestly, this is more fun.  So enjoy these. And there will be more...many, many, many more!  

Dave Schubert scaling the front of an ancient Mayan pyramid. Belize City, Belize.

Swimming in the Sibun River with Belizan locals during our trip to Belize, City.

Amazing urban decay in Belize City, Belize.  The beauty of second world realness juxtaposed with tourists searching for their next lame activity, scared that they might be mugged in this "dangerous, smelly" city...

The main drag, Belize style.  Rows of houses, fishing shanties, restaurants and other businesses situated along the city's main waterway.

Ancient Mayan pyramids in Belize.

 Modern art can happen anytime, even in the middle of a snack on the island of Roatan, Honduras.

View from atop an ancient Mayan pyramid.  A spiritual and historic experience.

Relaxation, Honduras style.  The deckhand, Kevin, taking a break from the sun in Roatan, Honduras.

Rasta Mon.  A local in Belize showing off his knotty-dreadlocks.

This picture happened because David, Stephanie and myself rented scooters, found an abandoned mansion in Roatan, Honduras, parked our scooters in the back yard of the mansion, which was the beach, and proceeded  to swim from the mansion's boat dock that extended into the Gulf of Mexico.

Wake, somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, one week before the oil disaster.

A lazy beach in Cozumel, Mexico.

David laughing it up before dinner aboard the Carnival "Dream," one of the world's largest cruise ships.

Hallway art:  These lovely ladies were painted just outside our stateroom on the Carnival "Dream." A lovely sight, indeed.

Classic palm tree shot in Costa Maya, Mexico.